Dear Members and Friends,
I was so proud of your Right Relations Team this past Sunday. It was a most profound service as four members shared so poignantly. It was a disappointment for me to not offer the call to worship and closing words as planned. Fortunately I was able to watch the service that had so many beautiful moments, including graceful show tunes that included Micah and Lexi’s extraordinary voices. If you didn’t attend in person or online, I encourage you to watch the service online in the near future!
This past Thursday I was scheduled for an outpatient surgery that had an unanticipated complication. Fortunately, I am now on the mend. However, I won’t be able to travel to Westport this Friday as planned. Instead, I will participate in worship remotely.
Being forced to slow down brings with it an unanticipated peace. I am filled with gratitude for the opportunity to serve you these past two years and that I could do much of this ministry remotely. Sunday’s service amplified my gratitude and pride for the good work you all are doing in re-building trust and becoming ever more healthy. The Right Relations Team, originally the Transforming Conflict Team, has spent nearly a year and half working together reflecting on how best UU Westport can move forward in trust and health. They are now engaged in a process to help create a Living Covenant. I believe this journey will bring forth a stronger shared identity and provide a foundation from which you shall flourish. Coupled with the work of the Governance Team, this Congregation is fully ready to launch a search for a settled minister. Congratulations for not only electing a Search Team for a settled minister this past Sunday but also all the good work through this time!
As a sneak peak to the profundity of this past Sunday’s service, I share with you a small portion of the four reflections, slightly edited.
Peace and Love,
Alan
Randy Burnham: This [Right Relations Team] having and using our covenant has allowed each of us to have their feelings, upsets and differences acknowledged—it has allowed us to remain a working unit. This does not mean that we are happy or comfortable with any of the given outcomes or for that matter with the residue of feeling that remains; however, it has allowed us to find a way to subordinate our individual needs to the coherence of the group.
Or put another way, our living covenant supports and allows us to trust each other, to get over ourselves, and to continue to work together! Most of the time, we are embodying our covenant so life goes on smoothly. It is when we stumble, act out or become dis-regulated that the set of awarely agreed to promises can assist us to get back on track.
Presently we, this congregation, do not have a living covenant. Given our history of conflicts and the fact that strong feelings and opinions are unlikely to disappear, we need to develop this tool. It is not a panacea. It is, however, a large step in a spiritually healthy direction. That we, this congregation, are taking on this work might also appeal to any number of ministers who will be looking for a congregation that is facing their cutting edges and attempting to do something about them.
When asked or offered an opportunity to take part in our covenanting process, please join us!
Linda Lubin: The first principle of Unitarian Universalism is “the inherent worth and dignity of every person.” This means that every individual possesses intrinsic value and dignity and is therefore deserving of respect and equal treatment. In this fraught time, we fear for what is becoming of our nation as it seems to be governed by the antithesis of this principle.
For most of us, whether we were drawn to Unitarian Universalism decades ago, or only just recently, the words of the First Principle call us home. … It calls us to be conscious of the way we interact with one another, no matter what our mood, or how we feel about the other person, or how strongly we disagree with their point of view.
I learned the importance of this as a child growing up in a family filled with discord and conflict. As a result of the destructive impact that had, I look for ways to create environments that are healthy and supportive, that help us all to thrive. This is why I see the work of Right Relations as so very important. I know, as each of you do, how damaging it can be when we are out of right relations.
So, we are not looking for perfection. We will fail every day, but then we can make amends and try to do better going forward. I hope you agree that it is worth the effort. Our survival depends on it. We are all in this together.
Cheryl Dixon-Paul: This past January I started singing with the choirs again. Micah shows us kindness and support, getting us to breathe together, relax our shoulders, repeating passages until we feel confident. This experience is fostering empathy, understanding and a willingness to work together. Our choirs’ interconnectedness is leading me into a newer, deeper meaning of what being in community truly is all about.
On rehearsal nights, I leave my individual self at the door to become a choir member, working toward a group experience. Me becomes We. We are bravely learning new ways of being together. … We can learn to be brave together in all our relationships, becoming more aware of our Interdependence. What will we promise each other in order to create and nurture sustainable relationships of care and respect, mutuality and justice?
Ken Vernon: We chose [this reading by Jason Hamill, found below] because it hints at a vision and shared values for this Community. A Living Covenant is key to maintaining and excelling in our relationships with each other. It is also a way of attracting a new settled minister. In addition, a culture of Hospitality, where each of us is both “staff and guest” is also key to growing a sustainable Congregation. We Community “that shares out into the larger community, as care, kindness and love.” It is our duty to create a culture of “profound welcoming” by doing the hard, gratifying work of engaging in a Living Covenant of Right Relations in all that we do, in all the settings where we are engaged.
It is our business to “take care” of people. It is our vocation to create joy. And that means we have to listen, acknowledge, anticipate and provide for our guests’ needs. Taking care of people is only possible if you’ve been taken care of yourself, if you have the capacity and resources at your disposal. This is our duty if we care. We put ourselves in a position to listen as closely and compassionately as we can to what someone is looking for, to communicate what it is we are able to provide, and then to generously tend to the space in which this exchange takes place and thrives.
Most people seem genuinely hopeful as they walk in the door — they want to be happier having come to visit us. They want to find something they cannot give themselves. While they expect to be pleased they may also not have the means to communicate how or even know what it is they want. We hope to navigate these relationships with the expectation that all of us are coming in with the best intentions and in so doing to engender experiences of mutuality, community, presence, and respect. Then yes maybe we can say we are sharing with love.
When people arrive and simply feel something profoundly welcoming what they feel is years of hard work. The hard work of generative compassion and empathy. They feel it among the staff first and foremost, it is the cumulative work of warm hellos, eye-to-eye contact, caring, listening, connecting, and respecting others’ needs, work that we share together as a team, and the product of which we then share out into the world, as care, kindness, love.
— Jason Hammel, founder, manager, executive chef of LuLa Cafe
