March 28, 2024
Dear Members and Friends,
Sunday’s worship service, including Rev. Terasa Cooley’s sermon was deeply rich. Nearly a hundred of you stayed for the reflection guided by the Transforming Conflict Team. Thank you!
The Team and I are curious how Rev. Terasa’s sermon landed for you. Any specific takeaways? It can be accessed HERE.
We are also curious how the reflection after the service landed for you. Perhaps it was not what you expected. Any specific takeaways?
The deep care for this congregation is evident. So many good things are in movement right now. In any human community, differences of perspective and priorities naturally emerge.
An overarching question is “How do you want to be together when differences of strongly held opinions emerge?” What capacities or skills do you want to cultivate within yourselves to engage in more productive and effective conflicts when faced with strongly held opinions? I want to press upon you that there are no “right” answers. This congregation is on a journey of discovery, and each of us is on our unique journey of discovery. A significant result of engaging in community—authentic community—is to learn to recognize, affirm, and even celebrate the differences among us.
Inherent in both Terasa’s and the Transforming Conflict Team’s sharing was an invitation to reflect on how a conflict or disagreement that suddenly emerges and activates one’s amygdala can become a learning experience. During our post-service reflection, The Team’s initial exercise centered around recognizing our own activation cues and understanding how it manifests physically. While some of you may already be familiar with this process, it serves as a fundamental skill for our conflict “toolbox,” enabling us to also perceive activation in others.
What helps us cultivate a non-anxious presence as individuals when a situation suddenly includes the tension of strongly held perspectives? During our second exercise, we intentionally created space for reflection, aiming to identify what can aid in our “deactivation”—a valuable addition to our conflict toolbox.
On Sunday, I echoed Rev. Terasa’s assertion that our values make up who we really are. I appreciated one individual’s response: “Our values aren’t really values until they are put into action.” I’m sitting with this. Similarly, our skills also require active engagement. How can you apply these two essential skills throughout your week?
As a tentative plan, the Board and the Transforming Conflict Team will each meet with Rev. Terasa on Saturday, April 6. Our focus will be on a process that diverges from her originally planned visit. Instead, we aim to proactively cultivate a set of skills that will best equip us for her upcoming visit in the fall, planned for October 13. Now, here’s a question for all of you: What suggestions do you have to enhance our abilities in handling conflicts effectively?
I’m also sitting with knowing that there is wide a range of perspectives on how best to move forward on this journey of discovery. What cultivates the collective trust that is needed to move on that arc of shared transitional ministry? What will help you to discern the characteristics most essential in the minister(s) that will accompany you through the next decades?
It is an honor and joy for me to serve you and cultivate spaces for open and honest sharing. Don’t hesitate to respond in writing or request a conversation. Members of the Transforming Conflict Team also welcome your feedback.
I look forward to our Easter service, an especially meaningful opportunity to reflect on new life and transformation— and it will be the first Sunday that my family will be present!
Warmly,
Alan
