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The Unitarian Church in Westport

10 Lyons Plains Rd., Westport, CT 06880 - Ph: (203)227-7205 Sunday Services: 10:00 AM

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Child Development by Billy Collins

June 7, 2011 by Jenny Klein

As sure as prehistoric fish grew legs
and sauntered off the beaches into forests
working up some irregular verbs for their
first conversation, so three-year-old children
enter the phase of name-calling.

Every day a new one arrives and is added
to the repertoire. You Dumb Goopyhead,
You Big Sewerface, You Poop-on-the-Floor
(a kind of Navaho ring to that one)
they yell from knee level, their little mugs
flushed with challenge.
Nothing Samuel Johnson would bother tossing out
in a pub, but then the toddlers are not trying
to devastate some fatuous Enlightenment hack.

They are just tormenting their fellow squirts
or going after the attention of the giants
way up there with their cocktails and bad breath
talking baritone nonsense to other giants,
waiting to call them names after thanking
them for the lovely party and hearing the door close.

The mature save their hothead invective
for things: an errant hammer, tire chains,
or receding trains missed by seconds,
though they know in their adult hearts,
even as they threaten to banish Timmy to bed
for his appalling behavior,
that their bosses are Big Fatty Stupids,
their wives are Dopey Dopeheads
and that they themselves are Mr. Sillypants.

Filed Under: Readings Tagged With: Billy Collins, Child Development, poetry, readings

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  • Rev. Frank Hall, Minister Emeritus – Dear Friends
  • Intern Minister’s sermons
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  • Communications from Your Ministers

     The Unitarian Church in Westport
     is a member congregation of the
     Unitarian Universalist Association

      CLICK HERE if you have any questions      about The Unitarian Church in Westport

Church Hours: Tuesday - Friday
9:30 AM to 4:00 PM

Summer Hours:
July & August until after Labor Day:
Tuesday - Friday 9:30 AM to 4:00 PM

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